God is good!

After getting married, we desired to trust the Lord in the timing of when He would give us a child. Of course most expect that means you will automatically have children right away, right? However because I had begun to have irregular cycles prior to getting married and suspected PCOS, I also knew that it might take time. Over the course of two years I experienced up to three miscarriages (had very faint pregnancy tests but would start to miscarry almost right away before I could get a positive blood test).

The pain from each miscarriage was deep. I loved the big family I came from and would often say I wanted 12 children, but as the years passed by, I struggled with trusting the Lord. I switched back and forth from wanting to trust the Lord with the timing of having children to wanting to do what I could to prevent having children because of painful struggles in our marriage. We both had cast our eyes off of Christ and wallowed in our sinful nature. Almost three years after getting married our marriage reached a crisis point.

God showed me that I had a spirit of control. My lack of trust in God came out often in my desire to control many aspects of mine and others lives and it had been incredibly destructive. The Lord put both of us on a journey of healing and of trust in Him and we began a hard but amazing path toward trust and peace in the Lord! I believe Satan was out to kill and destroy our marriage, but like Joseph I say, "You meant evil against me but God meant it for good..." Genesis 50:20-21

It is in this very thing that I found myself rejoicing but a few short weeks ago. God has brought such redemption in our marriage and was so faithful to turn our story of pain and heartache into something gloriously beautiful. What joy and thankfulness I felt!

I turned 30 this month. Recently I'd begun to wonder if God would ever give me the incredible honor of carrying life inside of me again. Over three years had passed since I'd last gotten pregnant. I tried to remain content with the joy of being a midwife and being able to serve many precious families as they brought life into this world.

In the past I struggled with fear of not being able to get pregnant, fear of miscarriage, fear of complications, and even fear of birthing a child (especially after seeing so many care providers have complicated pregnancies/births).  Michael and I had began to start asking God intentionally to bless us with a child, but I was uncertain of what that journey might look like. I felt God preparing our hearts for a new season, and I felt His peace.

We started outlining a plan for getting further help in getting to the heart of our infertility and addressing the problems naturally. In May or June I got together with another midwife and chiropractor and she gave recommendations for a hair analysis and hormone panel. In July I made an appointment to get a sonogram which confirmed my suspicion of PCOS. My chiropractor did a uterine lift on me sometime around this time. On July 15th I scheduled an appointment to see a local physical therapist to learn new things about strengthening my pelvic floor in preparation for pregnancy and labor. I also asked her to do some abdominal muscle/fascia release which she did. The following Wednesday Michael asked our church care group to pray over us and they did. We made plans to see another thyroid doctor in Dallas and anticipated making some huge changes in our diet.

Four days later I noticed that I was more hungry throughout the day than normal. That evening went to dinner with friends from church and found it odd that I was having to frequently go to pee through the entire dinner. On the way home I shared with my girlfriends our desire to have children and they committed to pray for us.

I woke up several times that night to pee which is highly unusual so the next morning I thought I might as well just take a pregnancy test. I just hoped I wasn't getting diabetes. I didn't expect to get a positive- especially since I wasn't even confident that I ovulated that month, and if I had, I suspected I was only 6-10 dpo. I went through the motions fully expecting to see only one line. Sure enough, it only showed one line right away. I set the test down and went on with my business. About a minute later I picked it back up and saw two lines!!! I was stunned. I immediately went to wake Michael up and demanded that he tell me how many lines he saw. "Two! Yes, I can definitely see a second line there." We hugged and prayed together.

I called Venessa and simply said, "I'm pregnant". We both kicked into midwife mode. "Start taking progesterone! Get your hormone levels tested! How are we going to protect this baby? Get on miscarriage prevention tincture? Should I test for the blood clotting disorders? Maybe I should go ahead and start taking a baby aspirin until I get the results back." My head was spinning. Could this truly be real? Would things work out this time?

I called Lindsey and asked her if we could come over and have her and Caleb pray for us about something. She said yes of course. I handed over the pregnancy test once we got there, and they shrieked. As they prayed over us and this precious little life, I broke down and sobbed. This was such a gift but I was scared of losing again.

We decided to tell close friends and family so they could begin praying for this little life. Many of our friends had already been praying for us to get pregnant so it was a joy to share with each one our surprise and to hear their exclamations of joy!

That night was VBS at church so we told friends there so they could pray for us. Before we knew it people were coming up and congratulating us. I hoped I didn't regret sharing our news and was relieved the next day to find out that my blood test was indeed positive!

The following days were a blur emotionally. I did tests. I started on progesterone and my tests confirmed it was slightly low. I started on prenatal vitamins, an herbal miscarriage prevention tincture, fish oils to regulate my hormones and to help the baby develop, chlorophyll to regulate any detox going on and to give us both good nutrients, and wheat germ oil to help my uterus thicken faster and be healthy. I made extreme changes to my diet and decided to try to cut out most gluten and sugar.

I tested negative for blood clotting disorders. My hcg levels continued to rise and double as they should. I started thinking about my birth team. I went over and over my cycle chart to decide when I think I actually conceived. I asked myself if it was a boy or girl. We went round and round about names (even though I thought we were set on names years ago). I decided it must be a boy. I found out John meant "God is Gracious" and felt confirmation about that being his name. It is a 50/50 chance. We'd be delighted either way!

So that's the beginning of our story. I hope to chronicle the ups and down of my pregnancy through the eyes of one who has helped literally hundreds of women give birth but is now seeing the experience through entirely new set of glasses!