So the nausea hasn't gotten too terrible. There are times it's worse but often I just feel a general queasiness. Yesterday I felt increased cramps and less nausea but this afternoon I'm back to the normal queasy feeling which made me quite happy. I started taking the miscarriage prevention tincture more regularly again and seem to notice a decrease in cramps afterward. My breasts are still quite sore and I have continued to have ligament pain/stretching from time to time.
I've been surprised by my emotional feelings about this baby. I expected that when I finally got pregnant I would be filled to the brim with joy and excitement. Instead though I've experienced one worry after another and have noticed a lack of attachment to the baby. I've been afraid of losing. Afraid that I won't get to keep this baby, afraid of the responsibility of raising a child, afraid of being trapped at home, and even afraid of being bored or resentful of the changes that must be made to my schedule after the baby is here. I've been discontent and wished that maybe it could have happened when I might have been in a different frame of mind several years ago. It's been very hard for me to fathom that I might actually be a mother and to believe that I really am growing a precious little miracle right now. Venessa somehow picked up on a lot of this with me saying very little. When she voiced her concern it made me realize I need to deal with these issues more intentionally.
Michael has faithfully prayed over us and encouraged me to trust the Lord. I know that this is where my hope must be found. It is time to embrace what God has given me in this moment with a heart full of thankfulness. I keep reminding myself that this is 100% God's baby that He gave us and I was not the one who made this pregnancy happen. He will take care of the details of our lives far better than I. If He believes that now is the best time to give us this gift, I can trust Him fully.
No comments:
Post a Comment